"Tiger Brand" Driving Helmet....

Protect that noggin ...on the course or in the driveway!
"...Playing 18 holes can be dangerous!
My finest Kevlar helmet protects your noggin ...on the green or in the driveway!"

Tiger Brand: There's One for Every Putter ...

Never a hole in one...
And there's never a hole in one...

Obama Administration Unveils New Tool to Fight Global Warming

The Obama White House has released details on the Administration's plans to fight global warming.

"The planet is in danger. Global warming must be stopped," said Steven Chu, Secretary of the Department of Energy.

Chu said that the Administration has discovered there are more than 300 million unregulated carbon emission sources in the United States: its citizens.

The Obama Administration is proposing a PCT program (Personal Carbon Tax) to develop technology which offsets the carbon dioxide created when Americans draw breath.

"It will not be a flat PCT," said Chu. "Those who are sick or elderly will pay a smaller tax for breathing. Children, while much more active, have smaller lungs and will also have a reduced tax rate."

Healthy adults will pay the highest Personal Carbon Tax, with the highest rates paid by unmarried men.

"Unmarried men tend to be very active sexually. Frequent sexual activity results in a lot of heavy breathing and a heck of a lot of exhaled carbon dioxide."

Chu noted that men who get married will immediately be eligible for a PCT rebate.

"Once married, men are virtually finished as carbon dioxide emitters. They do, however, become tremendous emitters of methane, especially during football season. They may be subject to Personal Methane Taxes."

Energy Secretary Steven Chu
Energy Secretary Steven Chu

BCS Computers Select 2010-2011 National Champion

Taking their cue from the Nobel Committee, the BCS has selected next year's BCS football champion more than nine months before the 2010 season begins and before a single down has been played.

"The computers have crowned Troy University," said a BCS representative. "We're really excited about next year's BCS National Champions: The Troy Trojans!"

The Trojans will receive their BCS Championship trophy at half time of the first game of the 2010 season, an epic contest against Bowling Green State.

Troy, a successful Sun Belt Conference team, narrowly beat out Florida, Alabama and Oklahoma in the BCS computer rankings.

Troy is projected to defeat Florida 26-20 in the BCS Championship Game, according to the computers. (Florida crushed Troy 56-6 during the 2009 season.)

When given the news, a skeptical Larry Blakeney, Head Coach of the Trojans, said: "Y'all are on drugs, I reckon."

Troy Coach Larry Blakeney
Troy Coach Larry Blakeney

From The Sky - Part VI


From the Sky - Part VI

By James M. O'Meara, © 2009

Need to catch up on From the Sky? Just click an installment below:

  • Part I
  • Part II
  • Part III
  • Part IV
  • Part V
  • Pizza Margherita

    Pizza Margherita...

    The woman waited, expressionless.

    "Looking for a painter, you say?" Ernesto uttered at last.

    The German woman nodded once.

    "I paint!" Gio exclaimed.

    Ernesto glanced towards his brother, raising an eyebrow.

    "No, no …I think not," the woman said tentatively.

    "Ha!" cried Ernesto, nodding his head sharply and waving his hand at Gio in dismissal. "See? She knows you're no painter!"

    "I can paint," Gio protested. "Ignore my brother."

    "You …you …are Tarentella, the painter?"

    "A most excellent painter," Gio continued. "I did our office. I painted the hallways upstairs. You should see them. Smooth, like satin, those walls! I will paint for you!"

    "See the flour on his apron? He is Tarentella the baker," said Ernesto. "If he's a painter, I'm the Pope."

    Another Segment of "FROM THE SKY" is nearly ready...

    I am putting the final touches on another segment of "From the Sky" and it should post soon.

    I'm in a pretty demanding stretch with the day job right now, and writing time is at a premium. It's literally a sentence or two here, or maybe a paragraph there. I'm spinning a lot of plates lately.

    I am determined to finish this story before moving on to (or back to) any other projects. It's not far from being complete...in fact, the ending for FTS has already been written...I just haven't quite filled out the rest of the middle just yet.

    Keep an eye on the site...the segment should be posting soon...

    Jimbo

    Love that BCS (Bogus Championship Series)!!!

    This is my annual whine about College Football's BCS bowl system. The acronym stands for "Bowl Championship Series."

    It is neither a "series" nor a "championship."

    It's a meaningless batch of unimportant high-payout bowl games with one game chosen to provide a national champion.

    But most years there's a team or two or six left out of the big dance, teams which could probably (and do) make sound arguments about why they should be in the championship game.

    Sorry, gang. Your arguments don't matter. The computer rules. If the microchips say your team doesn't hack it, well those are the breaks.

    The computer, or course, is infallible, right?

    Here's what the computer rankings looked like early last week. Take a good hard look at the last column of Penn State's ranking (#14) and make up your own mind about computerized rankings.

    Ummm there's a lil' problem with the computer rankings...

    And while I'm always going to root for my beloved Nits, how much do you want to bet that Penn State lands a big bucks BCS bowl while Iowa, with an identical ranking ...a team which beat my Nits earlier this year ...whipped'em soundly, in fact ...gets the Big Cruel Shaft?

    The Lions will get that BCS bowl (and I'll be waiting to watch them play, armed with a big-ass batch of chicken wings and a foamy adult beverage).

    Iowa will play somewhere forgettable against whomever.

    How they REALLY make Pumpkin Pie...

    How they REALLY make pumpkin pie...

    Original? No. But this gives me a chuckle. And if it makes you lose your appetite for pumpkin pie ...well ...MORE FOR ME!

    BUREAUCRACY: A LOVE STORY!

    Last year I took out a fat, hefty PLUS loan from Citizen's Bank for my daughter's education through American Education Services (AES). I paid her loan, plus a PLUS loan for my son, on the 20th of each month at the AES website.

    When I tried to make the October payments, only my son's loan was available on the AES site. My daughter's had vanished. Thinking the missing loan was a technical burp, I paid my son's PLUS loan and figured I'd wait a couple days before trying to pay my daughter's again.

    In the spirit of full disclosure, I normally set up the payments about a week ahead of the due date. This time, I forgot. And to be doubly honest, even if I had remembered I was planning to schedule them for payment on the 22nd, two days past due. That was payday. I had other large automatic payments scheduled the same week and I didn't want to risk overdrawing the account. It was a perfect financial storm. When I realized I'd forgotten to schedule the payments, it was Saturday the 24th.

    On that same Saturday, a letter dated October 19 arrived from the US Department of Education. It explained why my daughter's PLUS loan had vanished. Uncle Sam was now servicing the loan. A new payment schedule was included, with payments beginning on November 20. There was an "estimated unpaid interest" amount which I attributed to interest piling up until the new schedule went into effect. I figured it was Uncle Sam's backdoor income for taking on the loan. As I didn't have a payment due until November 20, I paid other bills.

    WHERE'S JIMBO??

    As my readers have no doubt noticed, my posts have ebbed of late.

    I could come up with a million excuses, some pretty good, some lame.

    The truth is I've been happy. And when I'm happy, I can't write worth a dang.

    After a pretty miserable first half of the year (and some really good writing, much of it not yet posted) things took a tremendous turn for the better when I got my hearing back.

    I went from the isolation of living in a bubble to being immersed in sound again. How the heck could I possibly be miserable or pessimistic about anything after such an extraordinary turn of events?

    So that's where I've been. I've been happy, and the fiction is a thousand times harder to write.

    I promise to crank back up to full capacity as soon as life gets back to kicking me in the pants again.

    --Jimbo

    Syndicate content