Well, there goes my Nobel Prize once they read this one....

Now THAT'S global warming, folks...
Al Gore's place is just to the west of those sunspots...

I was poking around in AOL, and I found a bunch of posts by people in a blind panic over global warming. I posted the following on AOL (yes, I know it was evil, but I've had a bad week and I just couldn't help myself):

"...In as little as 700 million years, the sun will grow so hot that our planet will become uninhabitable. Eventually, when the sun depletes its hydrogen and starts burning helium, it will greatly increase in size, ballooning outward like Oprah fresh off a diet and binging on Ding Dongs. The surface of our planet will be molten lava. Your house, my house, Al Gore's house....all covered by seas of molten lava.

Ding Dongs...breakfast of champions!
Keep a dozen handy, in case Oprah knocks at your door...

...So, you see, one day solar energy will kill us all...even if we get 100 miles-per-gallon and save ALL the whales. There's an unpleasant truth for you, Al...

Oh, so close....

Missed it by that much...
Missed it by that much...

About a month ago, I blogged that I entered The Tears of Saint Lawrence in Glimmer Train's February 2008 Family Matters contest (after ripping the innards out of the story yet again).

Did that last edit make a difference?

Well, for the second time I had a story finish in the top five percent (out of 1200 entries). While I didn't win or make the published top 25 list, this was still a tremendous bit of encouragement at a time I really needed it. Glimmer Train is one of America's best fiction magazines. It's been called a "feast of fiction." Finishing as well as I did...twice now...is a heady thing for me. I haven't been writing "for real" all that long.

The last story to do this well was July 27 (which will be published sometime this summer...more details to come).

The Great Skittles Conundrum....

This country has gone nutz...
This country has gone nutz...

A few weeks back, I clucked, rolled my eyes and shook my head when I read that a school in Mesa, Arizona banned hugging. Well, not completely. Hugs of less than two seconds were permitted.

"Who's on stopwatch duty?" I wondered. "The principal? No...it must be the vice principal."

It flabbergasts me that folks who should be concentrating on giving kids an education are instead wasting time with this drivel.

"Well," I said to myself, "It will be hard to top this for the Bonehead Education Horror Story of the Year Award.

Then, today, I read about the Skittles suspension.

An eighth-grade honor student was stripped of his class vice presidency, suspended, and banned from an honors dinner for buying Skittles from another student.

Yes, Skittles.

How Smart Women Get Even...

JERK...
"Hillary just called, Eliot. She told me to run for Governor..."

A Sad Day Approaches...

The cafe is closing...
Our favorite cafe is closing...

Well, my heart's a bit broken: The Bear Creek Cafe is closing.

Several years back, my sister-in-law gave my wife and me a gift certificate to the Bear Creek Cafe. We fell in love with the cafe immediately. It became our special place (and no, they don't serve wings and it doesn't bother me a bit).

If I somehow ended up with a weekday off, Annie and I would slip up there to enjoy the great food and wonderful service. We always sat (as luck would have it) near a window, where we could watch the local wildlife. There might be deer along the creek, birds lighting on the feeders, or squirrels playing in the grass. When we were there yesterday, there was a duck waddling out of the creek to explore the creek bank.

I don't really know why they are closing...the notice taped to the counter near the cash register cited "circumstances" ...but March 30 is their last day of business. There are many places I'm fond of...but the Bear Creek Cafe had a special place in my heart.

Dining room...
We were lucky enough to always land a window seat...

AN APOLOGY FROM THE EDITOR....

...I humbly apologize.

Seconds after I posted today's blog on the state of the economy, a member of Congress called and pointed out I had misspelled the same word over and over in my post: Gov'ment

I suggested Gub'mint. Nope. Gubbermint? He still wasn't happy.

"How 'bout spelling it: N-I-N-C-O-M-P-0-0-P-S?" I asked.

He'll get back to me...he's looking it up...

* * *

Is the End Near??

Future Housing for broke Americans...
The next new home for we broke Americans??

Are we on the edge of a great precipice?

For years we were told by the talking heads and gov'ment experts that the American consumer, empowered by the wealth generated through rising home prices, was the key pillar of the American economy.

They also told us inflation was not a concern; gasoline prices were inconvenient but not harmful to the economy; the housing market couldn't collapse; the Patriots were a sure thing to win the Super Bowl. (Ooops on the last one...wrong talking heads, but the point is the same: Sometimes things ain't what they appear to be, kids .)

I've been worried about inflation for a while. The gov'ment likes to talk about "core inflation" which excludes "volatile energy and food costs."

Uh-huh.

GUESS WHAT!?!?!?

Winter...

Time to say goodbye to the tundra...
Is Almost Over!

...and in an effort to keep my weight under a metric ton, I've resumed my after-work walks.

Often, friends and neighbors have kindly stopped to offer me a ride, thinking perhaps I needed a lift.

It happened so often last year that with the approach of this year's "walking season" I want to nip things in the bud.

So, folks, if you see me out hoofing miles from my home, I am not in need of a ride. I am just getting some exercise.

Now, because "crap happens" I also thought it best to give you some tips so you can tell whether or not I just might actually need a ride after all:

Those danged typos....

...apparently, a simple misspelling of Barack Obama's name confused voters and resulted in Barack getting a lot of mistaken votes in the Alabama primary, thus dooming Hillary Clinton.

In polls all across that state, his name should have been listed as: B OBAMA.

Unfortunately, the letter 'G' was used by mistake, and thousands of folks thought they were voting GO BAMA

Okay, yes, I shouldn't post before the coffee kicks in...

The regular reminder that my demise has not come...

...just touching base to let you all that I'm most certainly not dead. When I go quiet like this...it generally means I'm up to something. Or working too damned hard. Or both.

This time...it's both.

Since posting the final piece of The Tears of Saint Lawrence, I decided I wanted to enter it in Glimmer Train's Family Matters contest.

So I read it again.

So I gutted it. Again.

It ended up about 1500 words shorter and (I think) tighter. If it at least gets a nod, I'll be thrilled.

In the meantime, I have a short story, very short story, and (of course) No Cognitive Defect all in various states of disarray. About normal for me.

Look for something to post shortly....

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