The Letter 'A' may be on the chopping block.

San Francisco, UPI-Oh-Ki_Yay

The days may be numbered for the letter 'A'. A movement to ban the letter is underway in the United States. Those leading the rallying cry claim the letter has a nasty history and must be stricken from the alphabet.

"It's an oppressive vowel," according to linguistic expert Lotta Doboutnuttin from San Francisco. "The first vowel in the word 'slavery' is an 'A'. Want another example? Where were slaves sold? At auction. There's that letter 'A' again, leading the charge to oppression. The letter oppresses all of us: Taxes. Arrest. Assault. If you want to level the field for all of us, the letter 'A' has got to go. We want the letter 'A' stricken from all government publications, from all books, from all roadsigns. We will not rest until the letter 'A' is dead and buried."

The movement also has a plan to save the alphabet. "The letter 'A' should be immediately replaced by the asterisk, which has no known history of oppression. We further dem*nd that *ny c*ndid*te for President with the letter 'A' in their n*me dis*vow it *nd begin to use the *sterisk to show their opposition to the oppressive n*ture of this vowel." A protest is scheduled at a local *rby's in downtown S*n Fr*ncisco.

Attempts to reach Hill*ry Clinton, M*rco Rubio, and other candidates were unsuccessful. Donald Trump issued an independent statement: "You want me to change the spelling of my name? Kiss my *."

Ses*me Street producers could not be re*ched for comment on the imp*ct on their show.

In a related story, a spokesman for Webster's Dictionary announced the letter 'Y' will be recognized as a transletter. "It's a vowel. And a consonant. We believe the letter can be whatever it wants to be."