Big Changes Coming in Minimum Wage!

The Obama Administration today announced a surprise measure to radically boost the minimum wage. The move took analysts by surprise, as minimum wage jumped from $6.55 to $7.25 just a few weeks ago.

"We're going to jump-start this economy," said Secretary of Labor Hilda L. Solis.

The Obama plan will raise minimum wage to $125.00 per hour, and mandate full time pay for all Americans, regardless of actual hours worked. Annual income for most Americans will be $260,000.

Tax increases will go hand-in-hand with the higher minimum wage.

Big bucks on the horizon?
Big bucks on the horizon?

"Most Americans will fall into a new 95% tax bracket," said an Obama Administration insider. "That may seem steep, but we all need to sacrifice."

When asked how Americans will survive on less than $10,000 annually (after state and local taxes take their bite), the official said: "Easy. If you can't afford your mortgage, the government will buy your house and let you live there for a nominal rent. Health care will be free. You'll be safer, too, because guns will be banned from residences. Firearms aren't permitted on government propery."

When asked how this plan will affect the middle class, Secretary Solis said: "You haven't been paying attention. There won't be a middle class. Everyone will be making more than a quarter million dollars a year. We'll all be rich. God Bless America."

Rumor has it that Timothy Geithner has already cranked up the printing presses to start churning out the dough for the new wages.

When asked about employers who can't afford to pay the new minimum wage, Solis said: "If they can't solve a simple payroll problem, we'll fire their asses and run the company."

When told of Solis's blunt comment, President Obama said: "Hilda's a real card. But perhaps she should have calibrated her words more carefully."

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