Language War Heats up in the Korean Theatre ...

The war of words continues on the Korean peninsula.

Following a decision by the U.N. Security Council which bans North Korean weapons imports and exports and authorizes the inspection of North Korean sea, air and land cargo, a military spokesman for the isolated communist nation vowed a swift and merciless response.

True to their word, North Korean special forces raided South Korea last night and removed all of the nation's vowels.

"Ys, th vwls hv bn stln," a US General told reporters assembled for a press conference in Seoul.

One military analyst said that while the North Korean action was a serious provocation, its effect was limited. "The military can run on consonants alone. But it certainly makes it more difficult."

Reports say that many y's may have been spared in the raid, due to confusion over whether that letter is a vowel or consonant. "We hear about half of them survived," said an analyst.

US forces issues an ultimatum to the North: "Rtrn th vwls r w wll bmb yr cntry bck t th stn g."

After the ultimatum, US Special Forces teamed up with Korean alphabet specialists and raided North Korea, removing all consonants. Analysts say the US action was likely far more damaging than North Korea's raid on vowels. As proof of the raid's effectivness, the US military released an intercepted message from the North Korean high command: "Aa ieiaey. Aiiae e Eey!"

Upon receiving the message, some North Korean units disbanded, some attacked other North Korean units, and one battalion inexplicably disrobed and went swimming in a nearby river.

"An army can't fight on vowels alone," said an analyst.


* * *

Error. Page cannot be displayed. Please contact your service provider for more details. (14)